[ eve 6 - not gonna be alone tonight ]
the beginning of this song is epic.

saw her standing in the street in a hat made out of skin
underneath a stormy sky like a heroine
over me came the feeling that i'd never win
she's owning me like a dog to a god.

face them. the time will erase them. stop trying to chase them. i've taken my place, and it's not worth the tears. i waited so long for this love as another was slipping away. i waited so long for this moment, as the others were wasted. cast a shade to save your eyes. take this time to turn and say goodbye. frozen. the words go unspoken. new victims are chosen. my heart may be broken, but so will my fear.

[ the birthday massacre - movie ]

fuck midterms.

i just wanna paint and draw and make books and shit.

*sigh* paper's so expensive, i don't really know where to start. ALL I WANT IS OPAQUE, CREAM, CAN HANDLE WATERCOLOR AND ACRYLIC HOW HARD IS THAT?

haha not that hard. it's just impossible for me to making a freaking DECISION. 'cause i still don't know what size i want, how many pages, blah blah. i don't even have a sewing machine and i still don't know jack about binding, either. YAY FUN.

oh, it turns out i totally was not fucked though. :) i got rejected on the basis that i was still too young.. so really, i should be counted as accepted! :D practically accepted. almost accepted. but now i need to find a job at home... i hope the bakery by the library is still hiring, that would be fun.

ahahaha

I'M SO FUCKED!!!!!!!

i think -- i'm pretty sure i got into Superior Lithographics' internship program this summer. i mean, the first email he sent out was to everyone who got interviewed and went like, "thanks for trying guys, we can only accept 4 people so we'll get back to you with the results and the program details in a couple days" and then today i got an email that went like, "here are the program details, look over it and email me any questions you have, otherwise i'll be in touch with each of you within the next week" WTFFFF AHHHH DOES THIS MEAN I GOT IN

i'm so retarded lol. BUT SERIOUSLY.

on one level i'm REALLY EXCITED. the work looks like it'll be really challenging; i'll probably be pushed to my limits and frustrated and freaked out but i'll probably learn a lot! and it will look really prestigious to have on my resume in the future... and the pay is $15/hr 8DD (haha not that it'll matter, i'm sure it will go completely to transportation and living expenses)

but OMG. did i mention they're based in LA? WHERE THE FUCK AM I GOING TO LIVE FOR 7 WEEKS. i need to call someone.... but if that doesn't work, i think i'm going to ask the guy for the emails of the other interns and see what they're doing and if i can work out a deal with one of them or something. and if that doesn't work.. omg i dunno. see if i have any friends living in la and crash with them? X______X

and actually, the program is for 8 weeks. i have to miss the first week 'cause i'll still be in china, so i don't even know if they'll be okay with that... so it might not even work out at all?

AND my mom doesn't know about it; i won't even be able to TELL her, much less hope to convince her, until i get a more solid idea about housing....and then if she says no all the freaking out and figuring out housing will be for nothing and it'll be really embarrassing if i have to back out just 'cause of her...

omgggggggg fucked. i'm so fucked.

i'm pretty sure if i was a guy.... i'd be hella hot.

i might be wimpy and gay though.

hahahaha.

walking home from coms with the girls today was so fun. seriously, jeannette and i turned to jenna at the same time and were like "you know he WANTS YOU, right?" it was so obvious. it's cute though. :)

another topic switch: AAARRRRGGGHHHHHH! i never realized what a bitch i'd turn out to be.